I'm Scared and Excited and Nervous and Crazy!!

Yep I'm terrified! It's 1:30 in the morning and I can't sleep. Tomorrow could be the day. I pray that tomorrow is the day because I think I might literally end up going nuts if it isn't. I don't know how to express the emotions that are going on inside me right now. We took John Cole to Jackson to Hinds to Natural Resource Camp and I hated letting him go. I want him with me during all of this. Anyway I've been shaking pretty much all day long. I ate dinner, got a little sick so didn't eat supper. Now my stomach is growling but I couldn't swallow food if I tried. Wow, I guess you miss all these feelings going through labor because of the pain. This becoming a new mommy through adoption has labor pains that are far different but no less fullfilling and rewarding although terrifying. Just like labor pains. With John Cole I was in labor for 18 hours. I've been pretty nervous for a few weeks now but I can honestly say the sheer terror/panic/excitement/shaking/not eating came on around 4:30 or so this afternoon. So as right now we are over 9 hours of labor. If anyone besides me is reading this I commend you because I am probably babbling and making no sense.

It's just really funny the similarities of labor with John Cole and now with Ariel.

With John Cole I looked forward to seeing him for 9 months. With Ariel it's been 28 months. Wow, big difference there!

Labor with John Cole started around 2 in the morning and with Ariel it was about 4:30 in the afternoon.

Labor with John Cole lasted 18 hours, with Ariel......................it could be tomorrow or the next day.

Labor with John Cole was painful because of real true life pain! With Ariel it's painful because of my nerves. It's a mental pain of I'm going crazy!!!!!

The expectation with John Cole and Ariel is the same. I'm awaiting MY CHILD! I will finally see my child's face! The love is no different. I was in love with John Cole from the moment he was conceived and I've been in love with Ariel since we knew God had our daughter waiting on us in China.

One thing that's funny. After John Cole was born the Dr. gave him to John to take to the nursery. Right after John had put John Cole in the nurse's hands he fainted. I'm really wondering if I will be the one experiencing the fainting this time, LOL!

This is truly going to be one of the most memorable days of my life and one of the most important. First was our wedding. Marrying my best friend and soul mate on March 9th 1991. Second was the birth of John Cole. Our first baby and our son. He is the world to us and growing into such an awesome young man. I thank God for him every single day. Now the birth of our second child, Ariel. Born in our heart over 3 years ago but finally hopefully tomorrow a face to put with the name. Our child given to us by God.

I think another thing that's so important for me tonight is to pray that God gives a certain peace to Ariel's birth mother. A women who we will never know but who is so important to us. Who loved her daughter so much and went through so much to bring her into this world. I just pray tonight that God gives her a kind of peace to know that her daughter will be introduced to her forever family tomorrow. God please let her know that her daughter will be loved and cherished and taken care of forever. Please let her know that we will protect her with everything that we are, and that we will love her with everything that we are. That she will have everything that it's humanly possible for us to give her. Lord just let her know how deeply deeply we love her and appreciate her and how Ariel will always know about her and the sacrifice that she has made. Two mothers feeling very similar feelings of fear and uncertainty but the universal feeling of true and deep love for a daughter.

I suppose I should try to sleep. Funny thing, sleeping during labor. At least trying. God I'm putting all of this into Your Hands! My fear, panic, excitement, crazyness. Lord this is a huge day for all of us. I put YOU in the middle Lord. I put my faith, hope, and trust in Your Hands. I know this is Your Will and again I know that Your Will will not take us where YOUR GRACE will not protect and lead us. I love you God. Thank you for bringing us this far into the journey for our daughter. Again I put my trust and faith in you to bring us through the rest of the journey and to help us in raising a wonderful daughter! She will always be brought up to love and trust you Lord.

Sleep now........Lord keep our baby girl close in Your Heart!